Letters to My Son

As I sat at the Dentist office the other day - 'patiently' (hahahaha) awaiting my cleaning, I was seated next to a mother/son.  As I tried to keep my mind off my 'impending doom' I overheard their conversation (well bits and pieces - because at some points they spoke another language.... I think they knew I was listening!)  It made me think about the years to come with my son........ as I heard them argue about him ( he looked about 15) seeing 2 movies in one day, who would be there, what was the mother's first name of his friend, what was the movie called (he insisted it was PG13 after some thought) .....etc.....etc......etc..... I heard her tell him "You know I don't like that!" and "You know that's not the kind of thing we do."  He would reply with some remark, eye roll and or sigh.  It made me think back to those conversations I had with my mother and of course the ones I am sure to have in the future with my son.... so maybe to help him understand one day - where I'm coming from - here's a letter to my son:

Dear Pre-Teen/ Teenage Son,
There will come a day when you'll want to do things that I won't let you. (heck that day is already here -- but I'm talking big things; Social things)  I'll give the time old "because I said so" reason and you'll roll your eyes, mutter under your breathe and think "you just dont understand."  But please know that I do!

Maybe it won't be the same because I was a girl and you're a boy; or because my parents were 'more strict', or just because things/life and this world aren't the same as it was in the 80's/90's when I was growing up...... but I hope you know one thing...... I will always make decisions that I think are the best for you.  Decisions that will hopefully keep you the 'safest' possible.  Decisions that when I was your age I probably said, felt and did the same things you are right now.

There's no real way to make you understand why or feel the way a parent feels.  I mean I thought I knew as a child/teenager that my parents were probably right  about a lot of things -- I'm not saying I agreed with eveything my parents said and decided in regards to my upbringing but I think I was a petty 'good kid.'  (My parents may disagree.....but let's all be honest - I wasn't perfect but heck I was pretty good compared to what could have been happening in teen land!)  I knew right from wrong and 95% of the time chose right.  I was scared shitless that my parents would find out even the small things I did.... and I'm not fessin up now! lol  My pesonality was that of 'perfection.'  If I didn't think that my paents would appove I probably wouldn't do it.  I constantly seeked approval, love and proudness from my parents and teachers.  It makes me who I am today.  I tell you this so you understand who I am and where I am coming from.  We can only do the best we can with what we know -- this is what I grew up to know.  I have tried in my years of adolesence/adulthood to learn more.  To be the best parent I can for you. 

We / I will make mistakes.  I will be strict, tough and mean.  I will expect you to do your best, try your hardest and succeed in what I know you are capable of.  I will push you to go further, to test your limitations, to be who you are and to respect others for who they are.  I will also LOVE you unconditionally - even when you think I am disappointed or frustrated by you.  I will support you even when you don't follow my vision of a path for you.  I will advocate and cheer for you. I will cry, smile and yell to you, about you, and with you!  I am your mother.  It is my job to protect, teach, guide, mold, and shape you to be the best individual on this planet you can be.  It is my job to sometimes tell you NO.  It is my job to say 'because I said so!"  It is my job to ensure you leave this home with morals, goals, dreams, hopes and respect for yourself, me/your dad, and others you meet. Just as my parents did for me, and probably their parents did for them.

One day you may become a parent and truly understand.  I don't say no or ask tons of questions because I "want to ruin your life"......... I do it because I LOVE YOU!!!  Each day it scares me that you are growing too fast....that I am not keeping up with teaching everything you should know..... that I will not show you enough how much I love you - each freckle, hair, bump, and twinkle in your eye. 

Though you'll feel you need to make your own choices and live your own mistakes - no mother ever wants any suffering, heartache or defeat for their child -- this is why we tell you "because I said so!"  It's our last ditch effort to protect you from all the ugly in the world.   You'd never understand the whole story at this stage in your life!  I can only hope that when we have one of those 'talks' - where I ask 20 questions just to be sure you're being safe or making a good decision - you remember that I do it to protect you, to ensure I have you in my life as long as I can.  Maybe at that moment you'll stop before you roll the eyes and just reach out and hold my hand. 

lol --- A mother can dream!!! I'm sure you'll just say "mom!!!!!!! but why?!?!?!" and we'll just circle the converstaion over and over -- just like I see most mothers do with their children at this age.  But I say it again --- I love you!!!! You are my everything! 

Love, Mom

PS - to my own parents...... thanks for setting the bar for morals and respect.  I'm sorry for any stress, heartache or worry I may have caused as a teenager.  I understand even more now where you were coming from.