Sad heart

Today we gathered with family we rarely see - Justin's paternal father's side. His )Justin's) grandmother's sister had passed away and we knew that this visit would mean possibly seeing family we hadn't seen in years.

Without digging too much into Justin's history here's the short story. Justin's parents divorced when he was 2 (ish) and his dad remarried almost instantly, having 2 more boys. Their relationship became estranged over the years, however at one point in his teen years he did live with his dad, but after that the communication ceased. In fact he hadn't talked to, no letter or cards, or seen for years until his brothers graduated from college and high school in the same year. I believe it was around 1999. I got to meet the infamous Step-mom, "Prodigal Father" and brothers. It wasn't a warm gathering but it was civil.... much like today's.

Despite this strained relationship I chose to never give up; to be the bigger person; to know I tried to connect (cuz I knew Justin's hurt and pride wouldn't let him). Each year they got a Christmas card; a birth announcement of the grandchild; and still an annual Christmas card of their grandson. Today they meet for the first time (well Trevor met his uncles and grandpa). Again it wasn't the warmest of gatherings since it was funeral. But this was the first time he saw his grandson in person!!! You'd think a bond might have been attempted, a talk about how and what he was up to; maybe even a picture taken of the two?!!? But no.... perhaps he felt guilty looking at Trevor -- seeing his own son he abandoned years ago (for whatever his reasoning was.) I don't know what was going on in his head or heart.

I just ached for my son and my husband. He will never get to meet the cousins we see in photos (his grandmother sends us - cuz they sure don't!); he'll never know his "other" grandpa. Perhaps it'll never really affect Trevor cuz he'll never know any different. perhaps he is better off not knowing a man like this - someone who could walk away and refuse to utter more than Hi to his grandson. You would think at a time of mourning a life lost it would make you grab hold of your family. It does for me.

I only hope that "he" is sitting at home kicking himself for not knowing my precious, smart, loving and joyful son! Cause by God, he is the one missing out -- my son is so lucky to have the people in his life that love him and care about him. Maybe one day we can add the "other family" to that list....but I'm not holding my breathe!