Last night was a moment like that. As we were walking down our street for an impromtu (suggested by him) walk, we talked about differnt things - the day, what he did, what he liked; then he asked me "Name 5 harmless animals." So I did - something to the likes of "a fly, a worm, a bird, a cat, and a fish (regular one!)" I asked him to name 5 harmful animals and he did - "shark, bear, mosquito, snake (and one other)" The subject changed a bit then he said "Momma what are your 5 biggest fears?"
Good question, my son, I thought to myself. How honest should I be, I asked myself. So I went vague but true....leaving out my worst fear - losing him (oh and the dentist -- I really don't need him sharing my anxiety!) I said "fire, tornados, snakes, my brakes not working in my car (i tend to dream a lot about this) and heights." He said "you're afraid of heights? But you went on that ride at Schiltterbahn!" He's referring to climbing up the 5 flights of stairs at Blastenhoff to ride the Master Blaster, which freaked him out the first few times. I said 'Yes it scares me but I try to just keep looking up and not look down.' He seemed satisfied with that response and made his own reference to his little fear.
I turned the question back to him - "What are your biggest fears?" He repeated most - "hurricanes, snakes, heights" but then said "dying. I'm afraid of what dying feels like." A bit saddened - I think I actually uttered an "awe" - I tried to bring it back to a positive vibe saying "I don't know what dying feels like but you believe that you'll be safe with God and Jesus in heaven, right?" He agreed but then asked "I mean like are you just flying around all day? Is it like dark or bright all the time? I'm just saying like what is it like?" I just said I didn't know. He then moved the conversation to when he would be a grown up I would be a grandparent. I just said I hope so and grabbed his hand as we walked the last few houses to our own.
At the moment I knew this was a great conversation we had just had. But looking back now I realize how special it was. I think back now of all the things I should have said or could have but it doesn't change the fact that my child - children in general - really have deep perplexing thoughts. Even at 8 years of age.
I really want to document more of them.... but for now, here's this one.
What do you think dying is like? Or heaven?
