A Year in Review - 2017 Goodbye!

Each year I look back at what we accomplished, happened and lived through. Sometimes it's in a particular order, other times I'm lucky to get it all in there.  This year brought a lot to our little family and there were many times I said "2017 has sucked!" or "I cannot wait for 2017 to be over with!" and even, "If one more thing happens this year......"

Then I saw a post a friend shared that said "When you look back on 2017, don't think of it as a year of pain but a year of growth. You made it through each day. You should be proud of yourself. You are a better you, despite all the hardships. Take a deep breath and enter 2018 with hope and confidence."

This couldn't ring more true for me and our family.  So here's our 2017 in review:

January and February - 2017 rang in with a bang as we celebrated with my best friend in Hutto. (This new year's however we were struck with head colds and celebrated at home.)  January was a lot of planning and dreaming of what the year would bring. We celebrated the upcoming arrival of the Twins with a shower and photos of the beautiful mom (my sister Macee.) My mom was also diagnosed with breast cancer at her annual exam and immediately went through a biopsy and radiation treatment (into March). Thankfully she quickly went into remission and remains there.

March  - The twins were born! March 20, 2017 Cruz Allen and Harper Layke Couch arrived, just as Aunt Sarah and Uncle Nick had to leave for Oregon on their adventure. Baseball for Trevor and the Orioles began and photos galore.

April - More baseball and more baby loving. We headed to the Couch Ranch for Easter weekend and took advantage of the weather for the Twins official newborn shoot. Life with RJ continued to be interesting (chewing up all things - even a bed known to be indestructible!) Klayton turned 17 and my parents were fully moved into their new home in San Marcos.

May - Trevor ends his 4th grade year with Mrs. Roberson class at Barton Creek Elementary and his first year of Parkour classes. I got to go to St. Louis for a work trip and my mom joined me, so we can visit my Grandpa and Grandmama. We did a camping trip for Memorial Day that turned into a monsoon but still had fun!

June - Harper isn't feeling well which caused her to visit the Dr before their beach trip. At only 10 weeks old Harper is diagnosed with A.L.L. The whole family shifts and accommodates to help with hospital stays, watching Cruz and being with Klay. We still vacation to the Mayan Riviera later that month with Klayton.

July - Trevor turns 10! We celebrated at Austin Park and Pizza this year with a few close friends. Plus a trip to Rockin' River in Round Rock. RJ celebrated his "adopt-iversary" with us as well! HarperStrong2017 is truly kicking and orders are placed for t-shirts, decals, totes and more! I met a cast member of Teen Mom2 and Trevor learns to use a Stand Up Paddle Board!

August - We took our annual Surfside trip to enjoy the beach before Trevor starts 5th grade! He's in Mrs. Poole's homeroom and is now the "ruler" of the school! I can't believe he's in his last year at Barton Creek Elementary. He's been there since he was 6 months old!

September - Justin takes diabetes head on. After being diagnosed late August, as a family we are adjusting to eating a bit differently to accommodate Justin's new diet. He truly works hard at getting his blood sugars where he needs them to be. His goal is to manage it eventually without medication. I turned 39 and plan my birthday trip to Vegas.


October - Vegas here I come. With a few girlfriends I take a quick trip to see Britney Spears perform and enjoy a little time away for a belated gift to myself. I also celebrated one year with my new job at the State! Trevor dressed up like the Grim Reaper for Halloween and we hosted another Halloween bash complete with a Haunted Room for Trevor and some friends.  Halloween has become T's favorite holiday and each year he wants more elaborate things.

November - Life is busy with school, Parkour, the twins, photography and family. Since August, I led the HarperStrong2017 team to be the highest earning team in Austin for Light the Night donations and represented friends and family lanterns on stage.  It was amazing to feel all that good energy towards something so sad and scary as cancer is.  We celebrated Thanksgiving this year at the hospital in a quaint family room with all of the Couch family.

December - Life finally slows down and we spend the month doing family things and rejoicing in the season. From $5 movie nights to collecting for pet shelters to the Zilker Tree and Trail of Lights we do simple and fun festive activities (oh like Reindeer Games.) Harper's treatment has us thinking we'll be doing Christmas at the hospital, but she surprises us and is actually home.

The year ends on such a good note that 2018 doesn't feel so scary - wondering what might hit us. Harper will do her last round of treatment in January and be home for good we hope. Though our news of the year feels overwhelming in some months, it's all those little things added up that make it our year. It may not be "the BEST" we've had as a whole family, but it has been one that taught us about strength, faith, love, hope and determination. One that truly brought our family closer than it ever has been. One that will go down in the "record books" for us.  It made ME a better person I think in some shape or form. If anything it made me more appreciative of the life God gives us and to not take a day for granted.

So cheers to 2018! May it be full of life lessons and strength for us all...... but honestly let's leave cancer out of it this year ---- please!

We Lit the Night

Last night the HarperStrong team walked in the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Light the Night Walk and boy did we represent.  With a walking team of over 60 people and raising over $20,000 Harper was proudly honored!

As I walked to the stage to be introduced as the person representing all the supporters in the crowd (aka Red lanterns) I became flooded by emotions. It reminded of the day I graduated college as I remember having some what of the same feeling.  My eyes welled up with tears, my body felt weak and my heart literally felt as though it would burst. Not from being scared, but from being so PROUD.  I don't even know if it was self pride, for either of these moments, but just pride in what had been accomplished. It was the overwhelming feeling of energy in the place. Like I could feel ever emotion that was happening.  The grief and celebration of life in remembering those lives lost. The hope and faith in honoring those fighting the battle. The love and strength of those supporting others who endure the journey with the fighter.  It all rushed over me; through me.  I literally was bursting with pride for everyone! Not just my team for coming together and raising so much money for needed research and support or the fact that  we were #1 or 60 deep with our banner carried by our smallest supporters or even that I as team captain got to be recognized on stage for all of these things. It was pride to be there for Harper! To honor her with such accolade and power.

Every time someone said 'thank you for all you do', I had to remind them it wasn't me, but YOU. The team raised the funds. The team reached out and spread Harper's word across the country. The team came tonight to walk in the cold and wind. I just facilitated some coordination. YOU did the "dirty work."  I THANK YOU!

I know where my love for Harper stems. I've loved her the moment I knew she was going to be here; even more the moment I saw my sister's face as the gender was revealed; even more when I held her in my arms the day after she was born; and if it's even possible EVEN more the day she was diagnosed. For you all to love her is amazing..... to know she is loved by you is uplifting. It's what got me through the doubts and fears those first few weeks of her diagnosis. YOU all came in so fast with that love, sending prayer after prayer, good thoughts and well wishes, physical hugs and support, day after day!

I created HarperStrong2017 to honor Harper forever but also because it was how I knew I could physically give back. I felt helpless and I knew that I needed to channel my fear and my need to help somewhere. You all responded in joining me; reading the Caring Bridge, joining our Facebook group, purchasing Harper gear, giving blood, donating meals, joining our Light the Night team, shopping our Kendra Gives Back and raising money in Harper's honor!

Perhaps that was one of the emotions washing over me last night -- STRENGTH. The feeling of knowing I can make a difference -- WE MADE A DIFFERENCE!

Thank you for that. I know that may not have been your intent; you said "I just wanted to help." You did - not just for Harper or honoring her journey and battle, but for me as well.  There are no true words to describe the gratitude one feels when you witness the impact of what I thought would be "just organizing a group to raise awareness and money" would have on me.   I know that my family feels the same way.  We cannot say THANK YOU enough..... to forever know that we will not journey this alone made the difference.

Though this moment of raising funds and being an official team has come to an end, I know that our team remains just as "powerful." Again, Thank you for supporting us in all the ways you have, whether you meant to or knew you where even making such an impact, you did.

Way to go #harperstrong2017 team! We truly lit the night with love, joy and so much pride! Now who's ready to start thinking about next year?!!?

Only Just Begun ......

On Harper's Caring Bridge page I talked about this song from The Carpenters; "We've only just begun."  The first line spoke to me as I reflected on the first week of Harper's journey and flooded my thoughts with the memories I have of my sisters and I dancing in our Houston living room to much of the Carpenters vinyl album over and over. Laughing, twirling, smiling as we danced away.  I know why these memories stand so clear in my mind - it encompassed all the things I loved - music, dance, my family.

Music has always spoken to me; dance was my outlet for many years. As I learned of my niece's illness and reflected on the moments ahead of us as a family and actually began to feel all of the feelings that flooded my body I turned to music. I frantically searched for songs that spoke to me - spoke to my feelings. The feelings of fear; of grief; of frustration; of joy; of guilt; of strength.  All of it.  At one point I vocalized that feeling as being broken.  I was - I am - broken inside.

A lot has gone on in the past month; so much that I won't go into right now; I emotionally cannot go into right now.  The emotions have been on overdrive since June 1. Each story I see about leukemia or childhood cancer I must read. Each research article I must read. I grip to the stories of success as though it's a life line.  Statistics freak me out yet intrigue me. I have to believe it's just all part of my process.  My process is very different than say  my sister's.  I cannot imagine or fathom the thoughts and feelings that overwhelm her.  That is when I feel guilty. When I think I'm being selfish.

I've become obsessed with Grey's Anatomy. Watching it from the beginning. Most recently they had a few episodes that discussed the stages of grief.  It spoke to me.  How we all experience them, in our own ways and our own time. That there isn't just one way of handling news like this. That it's ok to have "all the feels" as my friend would say. That you have to find what works for you so that you can move through the stages.  For me it's been the music and writing. Maybe I need to bring back the dancing and have one in the living room for old time's sake.

I didn't mean for this to be all somber and sad.  It's just where I am right now. Reflective. A lot has happened. Life is happening. Sometimes it moves at a slow snail pace forcing you to stop and look around at the life you have. Other times it flies by with a whirlwind, causing a dizzied frenzy, as you reach out hoping to grab something so you can stop the roller coaster or merry go round from moving any quicker.

I can only hope that for anyone struggling with life and what it's thrown at you that you find your process; have something that helps you move through it. Like music.  If you need inspiration I find that listening to Audra Day's "Rise Up" or Rachel Platten's "Fight Song" gives me that kick I need.

As for our little fighter:
Harper's actually doing great. Her spinal taps and bone marrow draws all show no cancer cells.  Her counts are about where the Drs want them and she's made it past the first 30 days, upping her survival rate to 50% already.  She's kicking cancer's ass. She's even home for a week, snuggling in bed with her whole family, not in a hospital room while some of her family stays in a hotel down the street.  She's doing good.

We're all doing good.  It's just that a lot has gone on in 30 days.....and we've only just begun.

Blow to the Heart

There are moments in your life you never forget. Moments that pierce the heart forever leaving its imprint. Some are joyous, and others sorrowful. For me some of those moments are my first love, meeting my husband, graduating college, my wedding day, becoming a mother, losing my grandmother, my son's diagnosis, his first day of school, and then today - June 1, 2017...... the day we found out my 10 week old niece has leukemia and is given a 10% shot at survival.

BAM! Blow to the heart.......  Like a left hook you never saw coming.

You hear these stories. Stories of little ones battling this horrible disease and think "Thank God that's not us; not my child."  You can't fathom the thought of it "happening to you" or anyone in your family. I had that teenage euphoria when I heard those stories. The "it'll never happen to us" complex. But it did.  Like a knife, it pierces through your heart down into your soul.

You begin to question a lot -- why our family? why her? why are you doing this God? is my faith enough? will my faith falter? will I falter? can I be strong enough for them? where will I find the strength?

You want answers....will she beat it? are you sure? what's the next step? how long will it take?

You want to wake up because surely it's just been a horrid dream; a bad joke gone wrong; a royal mess up in the lab...... but you don't awake, no one screams "you've been punked" and the lab confirms its findings.

As I stood in the ER room and then the PICU room, listening the doctors give diagnosis and prognosis, watching my sister and brother in law's bodies sink with sadness, their eyes welling up with tears, I fought that urge to break down; to cry along with them. They needed a solid ground, a solid soul - a calming soul as my BIL called me.  6.5 hours later as I walked away from a sleeping baby - my sweet, angelic niece, I began to break. The blow to my heart was slowly breaking it in two.  I opened the door to my car and before it shut I lost it. The ugliest cries of them all I am sure.  As I drove home I'd have a moment of calm, then the blow would come rushing back and I'd lose it again. When I got home I went straight to my son's room and crawled into his bed, cradling him in my arms (his 9 year old body) and wept some more. After laying in my own bed the blow hit one more time..... knockout. It won.

June 1, 2017 forever marked in my heart.

2016 Goodbye and Hello 2017!

Every year I countdown or list up our favorite family moments of the year, so why would this year be any different. I suppose it would have helped me if I had blogged a little more but I failed miserably at multi-tasking all the things I wish I had time to do as usual. hehe

So here we have it, the Hill Family 2016 Year in Review: (in no particular order as I don't feel like ranking them or even thinking of them in chronological fashion!)

Trevor shot his first deer! After weeks and weeks of practice, frustration, patience, crying, and waiting Trevor finally was able to snag a nice buck out at Justin's work ranch with a crossbow. He was so proud and I love that the boys got to spend a little one on one bonding time with each other. Trevor said he got a little "buck fever" after the shot, and a little queasy watching Justin clean it, but he had fun tracking and finding his buck after a clean shot thru the shoulder.  Now to cook it up and enjoy!

We did a huge road trip for our summer vacation! I littered Facebook with our daily adventures and check ins as we traveled down to Big Bend over to Carlsbad Caverns across to the White Sand Dunes up to the Grand Canyon and landed in Vegas! We hit every national park imaginable and even pit stopped in Sedona for some Slide Rock fun! Most of our nights were spent camping in the parks/forests and then enjoyed a few nights of hotel stays here and there. Grandma Gail let us use her timeshare in Vegas for some grownup fun! Trevor had a blast becoming a Junior Park Ranger and we all learned so much about the areas we traveled in!

Trevor turned 9! (I turned 38 and Justin turned 42!) Trevor celebrated the best with a party at a local trampoline place as we "ROARED" his way into the last year of single digits!! We also headed to Tyler Texas for a little indoor waterpark fun! His favorite things this year seem to be legos, Jurassic World, weird youtube videos, swimming and flag football! 4th grade is turning out to be a little more challenging academically for Trevor but we're making it! He loves his teachers and still enjoys going to school each day!

Speaking of Flag football! We tried this out (along with Parkour) this year instead of doing Fall baseball. He really enjoyed it and became the star QB! His arm and accuracy is pretty good! It was a local league so he got to see some friends from school. However, fall was still warm for us and that astroturfed field got HOT fast!!! Parkour is at a local gymnastics place and he learns about core strength, climbing things appropriately and dismounting safely. Think American Ninja Warrior and that's pretty much what they do and learn - in the safety of a gym! He's loving it and I see his confidence in himself growing so much!

I changed jobs!!! After 5 years 8 months and 22 days of being with Workforce Solutions I decided to embark on a new chapter in child care and quality. No one really knew what I did before, so to make it even better, no one will really know what I do now! I could sit here and explain it all to you but in the end you'll just nod your head and think "whatever all that was" and I'll just reiterate that I work for the STATE! If you really desire to know my title - Child Care Quality Initiatives Policy Program Specialist! Sounds fancy!  I like it so far and cannot wait to watch how this position grows into assisting in implementing quality child care across Texas!  Justin still has his job!!! I jest --- but really he's still with his boss and overseeing the ranch in Spicewood daily. We are always thankful that the work is there and provides Justin some flexibility and independence! I think he celebrated 6 years this year!

We had family move! Well kind of.... hehe.  Technically Justin's grandparents moved late 2015, but it made for a special 2016! So much more time to visit and hang with Grandma Gail and Jim!  And this summer my parents announced that they will be moving back to the Austin area (San Marcos) and are currently building their "final home!"  Though Dad may be taking a job in New Orleans! He'll be "commuting" of course!

Pinterest Parties are now my thing!! I had 2 this year (one in Spring and one in Fall) and I think they were a pretty good hit! I need a bigger home so I can host them myself but for now I use whatever I can get! We make things we see on Pinterest and eat from recipes we see on Pinterest and talk about whatever we want because we are kid and hubby free!  Looking forward to hosting one in late Spring again!

We added and are adding to the family! RJ was adopted via Austin Pets Alive just the day after Trevor's birthday celebration! He had been a sick pup (parvo stricken) and was surrendered just weeks before we got him.  We fell in love immediately and he's been a fun addition to the Hill clan!  He loves to chew so it's been a bit of a struggle in training but he really is a smart cookie!  As for adding to --- well "not technically" for 2016 -- but we found out this year! Macee will be having TWINS! After a few years of trying we finally get to add more cousins to the group! Cruz Allen and Harper Layke will join us around March 2017! We were honored with the task of creating the reveal for everyone! Craig shot at 2 boxes full of colored chalk powder to show the genders of the twins.  The memory or it all will be a story to tell forever! Now to plan baby showers and their arrival!

Baseball you ask?  Why yes we did Spring ball and even a little bit of All-Stars! All Stars was definitely a learning experience for us all but such fun! We weren't winners very often but the experience of it made us realize that we may not be cut out for All Star seasons!!! So hot! So busy! and So much time!  But we'll see how Spring 2017 ball goes, as this will be Trevor's first experience with kid pitch! Maybe All Stars 2017 is in the future as well!

 To celebrate Justin's birthday we took a little trip to Port Aransas and had some fun in the sun with my parents as well as the Hansen family! Trevor and Justin would later do the annual Surfside trip without me, as I had a work thing! Trevor mastered boogie boarding and everyone enjoyed sitting oceanside and relaxing with people we love!  I celebrated my birthday with a Beyonce concert! I think concerts will become my thing now ;)  (Garth was last year!)

So I guess that's our year! Uneventful in drama so that's always nice. I can only hope that 2017 is as nice to us! We hope that you had a fabulous 2016, full of just as many memories, smiles, laughs and fun as we did! We're thankful to those of you who participated in parts of our year! We hope to see you all MORE in 2017!! Love and Peace

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Letters to My Son .... #onelove

To my son -

Since your birth in 2007 there have been over 10 mass shootings in the United States alone. Shootings where innocents lost their lives because someone could not handle their emotions/had mental issues; could not agree with life choices; or could not be tolerant of views that did not mimic their own.  They lost their lives because someone chose hatred over love; hatred over tolerance; hatred over acceptance; they simply chose hatred!  Perhaps because they were scared; had been hurt/bullied; didn't have the mental capability or was taught that way.  No matter the case, I write this letter to you now, because of the recent events in Orlando. Because I want you to know, remember, and be taught that we celebrate uniqueness, individuality and acceptance of others who may not believe as we believe, love how we love or look as we look.

I hope that I've instilled that in you.  That you are unique and loved. That everyone deserves the respect of having their own opinion and values even if they are radically different than ours. That with this respect of others' beliefs, values, religion, sexual preference, looks, etc comes a responsibility to ensure it's done peacefully.  That you NEVER have permission to physically hurt someone (and I'm not talking about self-defense) just because you're angry, don't agree or don't like what they did, said, or look like.  That you have the power to choose LOVE; to choose RESPECT (even if others don't return it); to choose LIFE.

These recent events have rocked me to the core, wondering what kind of world you may grow up in. How much should I shelter you? How much should you be exposed to?  I think back to when I was a child your age and the biggest thing we worried about in school was an earthquake or hurricane (which would likely never happen in my Houston school) but that's what we "prepared" for. Now you practice "lock down drills" for just these types of situations - mass shootings. I have training at work specific to "armed assailants/attacks."   We now live in a world where we potentially fear going to church, the movies, a club, a restaurant .... I never wanted that for you.

Read about these incidents; hopefully there aren't many more after them and see how cities came together, how people came together; how we stood united that this act was unjust.  If you ever feel that much hate to someone I hope you seek guidance from a confidant; a counselor; a parent; a friend.  That you know that violence is NEVER the answer to getting a message across.  That you embrace each person as a unique, God made and loved individual. It doesn't mean you have agree with everything; be best friends with everyone, but only be accepting that it's their life to live how they want - just as yours is. No one is better or greater or more valued than another. We are all God's creations and he loves us all.

Be a beacon of love; of light; of hope! Spread kindness; Pimp joy! Most of all remember "Do unto others as you would have done unto you."

I love you - for you; all of you!
Momma

How I traumatized my child

Funny yet serious story that happened last night.  I don't mean to make light of this subject or what happened but parts are funny and other parts serious.  I want to remember this and for Trevor to look back on it too, so I'm penning it down here to do so!

Long story so bare with me - we had just left Chilis off 620/183 after a ball game. Justin had driven separately to meet us at the game because it was right after work and I picked up T from camp.  Any ways - we were on our way home and T really likes to "beat dad home" but J had made the first light out without us and I assumed we would never catch up.  BUT we did (only after watching an insane driver weave, speed and use the shoulder as a lane to pass people he wanted but I digress.)  So once I said "hey that's Dad ahead of us" T was ready to pass him. fast forward 2 miles down the road we are nose to nose driving (not crazy or super fast so calm down my gasping friends!) when he edges me out because a truck pulled into my lane.  T wants me to go around this guy and I'm like "that's not safe, we'd cut him off and that's not ok." So we come to terms with being in second for the last leg of our journey (a 2 lane road so no bypassing the camaro in my CRV)  Which T asks why I couldn't go faster ---- I explain that the camaro is lower profiled (can hug turns and not flip over like the CRV); that it has a V8 and we are a 4 cylinder, plus that Daddy just likes to go fast!  He says "yep he always goes over the speed limit!" Which I return with "I'm sure it's not that much over."  We talk about how fast cars CAN go and how fast they should go. I stated that Daddy has always had a "fast car" (or hot rod as T calls them) and always liked going a bit fast. T asks if J went fast when he was little (aka 16) and I said "oh probably, he was a bit of a bad little boy (re: to an earlier discussion we had on the way home about T spotting graffiti and I said bad little boys probably did it).  T asked what else J did to which I answered "well Daddy thought he was a grown up and was very disrespectful and made some bad choices and Papa got upset and kicked him out of the house."  T gasped and said "he did?!" I said yes; next thing I hear is T doing this weird Laugh/Cry sound and says "That's sooooo sad."  I say "what?" He says "That's soooooooo sad."  I say "yes but I didn't tell you to make you sad. I was just telling a story. don't be sad. Daddy's ok it didn't hurt him."  Then I can't tell if he's really crying or laughing or both. So I ask if he's serious.  He states "look at me. look at my eyes. I'm not kidding."  To which I glance back and see tears STREAMING; puffy eyes and heartbreak on his face.  I again try to reassure him that Daddy was ok; he just didn't make good choices and Papa didn't like it.  Then I apologized for traumatizing him.  He says "Why did you have to tell me that? Why did you traumatize me?" At this point I'm at a loss -- PARENT FAIL is going off in my head like an alarm!!! RUN DIVERT DISTRACT is being screamed by the little mom on my shoulder!  I don't know what to do ....... we still have about .5 miles in the car to go.

then he asks (mind you in a very hurting, sobbing voice) "Did he do drugs!?"  SHIT -- don't answer that ,DO NOT answer that Lindsay -- the little shoulder mom screams!!!!!!!!  I reply "Um you have to talk to your father about that."  I jump out of the car......crap what just happened?!?! I think to myself. Did I share too much too young?!?!  He opens his door exclaims "Did he smoke?" I again say "you just have to talk to daddy about those things. You know we'd never do that to you. Daddy wasn't little when it all happened he was big; 18 big. That only happens if you're really disrespectful and make bad choices." (CRAP my mouth went there again -- as though a little reminder of "listen to mommy and daddy or else" would help in this case?!?!?!?!!?)  I'm regretting all my words. I'm literally running into the house to prepare J for what might come. Worried that we have a full on melt down coming.

T walks in the house - still visibly upset; tells me to tell J what happened (which is rare - usually he likes for these things to be secret from J) to which I do.  I can hear T in his room (getting undressed for the shower) saying to himself "Why she traumatize me?" or "Oh I'm traumatized" or something and him "coaxing" himself to calm down.   He eventually does after the shower and NOTHING else is said about it as we laid and snuggled before we put him to bed.

So -- did I share too much too soon?!?! possibly!!!!  I really didn't think it was going to impact him that way. It could have been the long week and his tiredness in full effect as well?  who knows?  All I know is it sounds like it's going to be HEART BREAKING to my child if he finds out that we were not perfect little children growing up!!! o.O We've had the talk that we all make mistakes; we learn from them and help others to not make them as well --- but this may take the cake of our "hero status" to my little guy.

I truly hope I didn't traumatize him (hoping his dramatic flair was just in full effect) as it was never my intention.  At times I thought he was being silly about it but once I saw his face I knew he meant business.  So as you see funny but serious.   Taking on the time old parenting issue of "when do you tell your kids about your mistakes/stupid adolescence!?"

AGAIN: please note our driving was within 10mph of the speed limit; there was no reckless driving (unlike the guy I witnessed on 360) or true  "racing" of cars!! Just a little Mind racing!

Thanks for listening to me rant.... hope I didn't "traumatize" you as well!!! :)